Life's a collision course and I'm a crash test dummy.
Brace for impact!
Join me on a kamikaze run through life as we break down the barriers that keep us from reaching our goals.
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Saturday, January 17, 2015

You Know It's Going To Be A Bad Day When...



They're coming to take me away, hey hey.
If you're coming with me you need nerves of steel
Cause I take corners on two wheels
It's a never-ending circus ride
The faint of heart need not apply

Mi Vida Loca over and over

(My Crazy Life by Pam Tillis)
Photo Credit: D.M. Kilgore

Sometimes you can just tell when you wake up...


It's going to be one of 

those days.

 

The kind of day when I have a carefully structured plan and equally organized "to do" list that will allow me to "catch up" on the things I didn't get finished this week.

The kind of day when Mi Vida Loca has other ideas.

The kind of day when you wonder if you've woken up in a JB Lynn novel.

Yep. It's going to be an "if you're crazy and you know it shake your meds" kind of day.

 

JB Lynn begins her fantastically entertaining series "Confessions of a Neurotic Hitwoman" by starting each book with "You know it's going to be a bad day when..."


http://www.jblynn.com/hitwoman-series.html
Charming, hilarious, and highly entertaining!
Photo Credit: JB Lynn


January 17, 2015
Saturday Shenanigans

The morning's mandatory yawn-fest.
*Yawn* Where's the caffeine?
D.M. Kilgore -Writer Cam-
My morning began like most mornings do. I woke up to a chorus of "WOOF" "YIP" "Squeal" which means "we really have to pee".
Hey lady, we have to pee!
Pardon us, but we have to pee. Now.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore







Normally what happens next goes a little something like this... 


Let out the dogs, start brewing a cup of chai tea, uncover the birdie, check on the baby, wake up the eleven year old, and then change and feed the grand-baby (on night's when we've had a sleepover).

Only... this morning...


The dogs going out turned into a fiasco. As I was pouring nursery water into my cup (by mistake) I heard a commotion out on the lawn.

Daisy-- The Informer
Mom! Mom! Mom!
Daisy (The Informer) loves to tattle.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
Daisy, the three-legged bearish dog was barking her head off to alert me that Timmy is in the well-- 

In other words...


Sookie... who forgets how to breathe and can't walk on linoleum.
Duh.... I doggie not doofus.
Oh, Sookie!
photo Credit: D.M. Kilgore
Sookie the doofus dog had fallen into the little creek while trying to taste the frozen water...




Sweetheart of a dog but ack the hair!
It's not my fault.
I'm part Jack Russell you know?
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
And Sadie the sheds at will dog had taken off next door to bark hysterically at the neighbor's housekeeper.


 I stuck my nursery water in the microwave and hurried to the door to call the dogs back inside.


Before I could make it to the front door...

Want to play? Loki is undeafeted!
Crazy? I'm a mad genius!
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
Loki, the loco birdie, began going into some kind of flapping-fit and yelling, "UH OH UH OH UH OH UH OH UH OH!" causing me to rush to his aid. He'd gotten his foot stuck in a cat toy. 


Helping him meant possible loss of my fingers (rather important to a writer) but alas, I was his only hope.


And they probably could too...
photo credit: quickmeme.com


Naturally, the always happy baby decides now is the time to have a tantrum because his bottle isn't ready yet.

I get Loki back in his aviary, count my fingers, and rush back to the kitchen to wash my hands and fix lil' monkey's breakfast. 

Wait, that wasn't creamer was it?
Formula is NOT Chai tea.
photo credit: fotocom
Tossing a bag of chai tea into the freshly sterilized baby bottle, I pour three scoops of formula into my steaming mug of nursery water. Well, lovely. 

Apparently, we're both having Similac for breakfast.

I dump the similac-tea, and the chai-formula and start again. I still haven't wrangled the dogs. The baby is still dissatisfied with my lack of promptness in satisfying his hunger.

Even my angry eyes are adorable!
Cute lil' monkey!
(photo credit: D.M. Kilgore)
I manage, somehow to fix a proper bottle, and thankfully lil' monkey is going through an independent "I'll do it myself" phase. He grabs the bottle and starts sucking it down as he shoots me his best "about time" angry-eyes.

I take advantage of this pause in the insanity and go out to gather the dogs. Sookie, who is wet and muddy, shoots in the door leaving a trail of nature behind her. Now, I'll have to vacuum before noon. 

Sadie, who is very proud of her attempts to eat the evil cleaning fairy struts inside expecting praise and then becoming quite indignant when I call her, "bad dog".

Ten minutes in time out for them both.

Time out!
Sadie: "This is all your fault, Sookie."
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore


The little brown one eats cat litter. Just so you know.
I told you so.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
Daisy, the informer, her job of alert the presses accomplished, jumps into her chair, gives the baby a once over, sighs heavily, and looks at me as if to say, "Thank you for adopting me into this lovely home". She's well versed in sarcastic looks.


I didn't order a cold water wake up call!
Thanks a lot, Mom.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
The baby is happy now that his tummy is full, so I run to wake the eleven year old. I open the door, trip over his bag of games, and spill the cup of water I'm holding all over his bed. Rude awakening, much? He's still not speaking to me.

I tell Daisy, "If this is any indication of how the day's going to go, we should go back to bed now" and she barks at me in her "you forgot to get my water bowl from the bedroom" voice.

*Sigh*
*sigh*
photo credit: fotolia.com
I go to the bedroom, trip over the bowl, and splash water all over the carpet, wall, and the pile of clean laundry that I should have put away.



Saturday Shenanigans got nothing on this...
Shenanigans!
D.M. Kilgore -Writer Cam-

If I survive the rest of the day, I'm going to email JB Lynn and see how Maggie would have handled my morning. If only I had a talking lizard to give me advice...



If you haven't read 
series yet... WHAT are you waiting for?
I adore this series and highly recommend it.
Fantastically Fun Reads.

http://www.amazon.com/JB-Lynn/e/B0094GSJ2M
I just finished book 8.
LOVE THIS SERIES!
FIVE STARS!
(photo credit: JB Lynn)


 WHO'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE AUTHORS?
IF YOU COULD ASK HIM/HER A QUESTION,
ANY QUESTION, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Comment below for a chance to win:
COMMENT & WIN!
Comment, Subscribe, Win!
The Realm of D.M. Kilgore

 

I'm D.M. Kilgore, and I really do own a brush and mascara!
D.M. Kilgore

I'm D.M. Kilgore, and this is The Realm.

You'll find a daily dose of me here, every dag-um day. 

  Except for yesterday when I was too busy writing a criminology essay with a "right now" deadline!

 I hope you'll check out JB Lynn's series and that you got a kick out of my Saturday Shenanigans. At least my mornings are filled with unexpected excitement right?

 

  Tune in tomorrow for another daily dose!

 

When I'm not rambling about here, you can catch my monthly series at 

Read Write Muse

The Muse's Mirror on the 11th of each month
and The Conscious Dreamer on the 27th of each month

 

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Deadtime Stories: The Rejection by D.M. Kilgore



From the personal files of Author D.M. Kilgore!
Deadtime Stories
from D.M. Kilgore's Personal Files

 It's 

Thriller Thursday  

At 

The Realm!

 Late Night Edition.


Dear Bloody Diary... Thriller Thursday Night- Deadtime Stories by D.M. Kilgore: The Rejection!

 

January 15, 2015
Thriller Thursday

Ah... tunes and some chai tea! Let's WRITE!
Writing.. Writing... Writing...
D.M. Kilgore - Writer Cam -
It  was a thrilling day at The Realm. I've been working on a short story that's due... like now. I have a criminology essay to finish by midnight. It's snowing and COLD here. Yep, a thrilling chilling kind of day for this writer.

But tonight, I wonder...


 How can I thrill you?

 

Maybe a little bedtime story from my private collection.

  


http://www.wattpad.com/user/DMKilgore



The Rejection


by:  D.M. Kilgore


       Jo stepped out of the dark elevator, thankful to be free from the trendy music pumping from the hidden speakers. Her relief was short-lived. Sunlight poured through a large window highlighting d├ęcor--meant to be modern, cool, and hip--that looked like Dr. Seuss had puked all over the hallway. Jo tucked a brunette strand back into her bun and adjusted her glasses. Hoping like hell Classic Retro Regurgitation ended at the door to her room, she rounded the corner and ran straight into a man. As he turned, she gasped.
        "Rob!"
        "Molly!" He pulled her into an enthusiastic hug. "How was your trip?"
        Caught off guard she mumbled something that sounded kind of like, "Good." Any attempt to regain her composure was lost the moment she glanced into his eyes. They were the most amazing shade of malachite green flecked with gold. “Just fine,” she whispered.
        "I was heading to grab coffee,” he explained re-opening the door to his room. “It can wait though.”
        "Mmm. I could go for a mocha latte." Jo followed him into room 405.
        "Great! Coffee first then. Do you need to freshen up or anything?" He let the question hang between them.
        "I did plan to slip into something more--” she considered the king-sized bed with its disturbing cow-print coverlet “--comfortable.” Jo took two steps towards Rob.
        He shrugged before glancing at the toes of his well-worn red Converse hi-tops. "What if I go grab coffee while you get comfortable then? Save us some time."
        "In a hurry?"
        "Yeah. I can't wait to see how it ends."
        "I hope I don't disappoint." She turned slowly to examine the rest of the room. Not Suess, but disturbing none the less. A mirror over the dresser caught Rob in the act of looking her over from head to toe. Jo smiled. 
        "Molly Sellers disappoint? Doubtful.” Pink washed across his neck and square jaw when he realized she was watching his inspection.
        "You never know." Jo lowered her eyes, reminding herself that Molly Sellers would never be so openly flirtatious.
        "So far so good." He backed out the door with an eager smile on his face.
        Jo liked his dimples and his dark mop of curls. He was younger than the other editors she’d worked with. He was also much cuter in person than in his Facebook picture. What a shame. Jo rested her ear against the crack of the door listening for the ding of the elevator before closing it completely. She stepped into the tacky orange and blue tiled bathroom to change from bookish Molly Sellers to a woman Robert Hansen had never met.
        Tugging off the boring wig, Jo shook out her long auburn waves, tossed the costume glasses aside, and removed the chocolate-brown contacts she’d bought to hide her unusual hydrangea-blue eyes. Kicking off the sensible pumps and unzipping the modest suit, Jo sighed with relief. She wiggled her toes with delight as the stifling pantsuit crumpled at her feet. Molly Sellers wouldn’t know sexy if it bit her on the ass. Jo coated her lashes with onyx mascara and her lips in a shade of red that was every bit as sinful as her Victoria's Secret lingerie.
        Transformation complete, Josephine Reynolds pulled the final chapter of her manuscript The Rejection Letter from her bag, pressed her lips to the last page, and placed it on the bed. She couldn't wait to show Rob how it ended.
        Smiling wickedly, she slipped the same knife she’d used on the real Molly Sellers under the pillow.
        This was her favorite kind of research.
           

© 2015 D.M. Kilgore


What lurks behind a pretty face is sometimes a twisted mind...
Sweet Dreams...





 


I'm D.M. Kilgore, and I really do own a brush and mascara!
D.M. Kilgore


I'm D.M. Kilgore, and this is The Realm.

You'll find a daily dose of me here, every dag-um day. 

 

I hope you enjoyed my little story!
Be sure to let me know if you'd like to
read more DEADTIME STORIES here
on Thriller Thursdays at The Realm!

 

 

Tune in tomorrow for Funtastic Friday!

 

When I'm not rambling about here, you can catch my monthly series at 

Read Write Muse

The Muse's Mirror on the 11th of each month
and The Conscious Dreamer on the 27th of each month

 

 

 © 2011-2015 D.M. Kilgore
All content is copyright protected and may not be copied, reprinted, reposted, or used in any way without the express permission of D.M. Kilgore.


All work on this website is copyright protected and is the sole property of D.M. Kilgore unless otherwise stated.
All Rights Reserved.



Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Show Me Your Wits!

 
Got Wits?


Dear Bloody Diary... SHH! It's Wordless Wednesday at The Realm!

 

January 14, 2015
Wordless Wednesday

Don't speak... just keep scrolling...
Shhh!
D.M. Kilgore - Writer Cam -
Yikes! The Cat Got My Tongue! Wait, I don't have a cat...
Cat's got my tongue!


Caption This!
CAPTION THIS!
(Use the Comment section below to enter your best caption!)
-photo credit- dmkilgore

 

Wittiest Caption Gets 5 Entries!

Subscribe & Comment for your chance to win!
Win Win Win!

 

I'm D.M. Kilgore, and I really do own a brush and mascara!
D.M. Kilgore


I'm D.M. Kilgore, and this is The Realm.

You'll find a daily dose of me here, every dag-um day. 

 

(Silence- Silence -Silence)

 

 

 

Tune in tomorrow for Thriller Thursday!

 

When I'm not rambling about here, you can catch my monthly series at 

Read Write Muse

The Muse's Mirror on the 11th of each month
and The Conscious Dreamer on the 27th of each month


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Give It Away, Give It Away, Give It Away Now!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!
Who's ready to win?

Last Tipsy Tuesday...


I told you how much
I LOVE SCRIVENER

 

Then I decided...


TO GIVEAWAY
A 50% Off Coupon!

THIS TIPSY TUESDAY...

TIPSY TUESDAY AT THE REALM! Pants not required!
Pudding!

I'm going to choose the winner!

 

 

But first...

Dear Bloody Diary... Tipsy Tuesday

January 13, 2015
Tipsy Tuesday

Tipsy Tuesday Makes Me Crazy!
E'ry body at The Realm gettin' Tipsy!
D.M. Kilgore - Writer Cam -

It's not Tipsy Tuesday until I share a tip with you!


Today, I have THREE tips for you.

 

Calm down! Don't hurt yourself!
 

I know!

It's so exciting to get three for the price of one!

 

 

Tip # 1

True story... *sob*

Writing software that works for you will make it easier. 

 

Here is my favorite system for "easier" writing:


~A WINNING Combination~

Bam- this is how you win!

ScrivenerScrivener CoachScapple

 

Yeah baby!

 

Software that I highly recommend if Scrivener isn't for you:

Anthemion's Writer's Cafe

Character Writer

Movie Outline 3

 
Ian approves.

 

Extra stuff that makes writer-life easier:

Aeon Timeline

Hemingway App

Free Mind

 

Even the devil has to agree with these tips!

If you struggle with time management issues:

The Pomodoro Technique

 

Don't knock it til you try it!

If you struggle with digital distractions:


Leechblock

 

Admit it. You've done this instead of writing... at least once.

Tip # 2

A Winning Plan... but not like this guy!

 Have A Plan!

Writing is a business and you need a business plan.
 

Start Here:

Jamie Gold's Business Plan for Writers & Worksheet

Angela Ackerman's 7-Step Business Plan for Writers

 
Off to a fine start now!

Tip # 3

She rocks the hair and the writing and the editing- can you say AWEOME?
Who needs hair when you're awesome?
photo credit: Kelsey Keating

 Hire A Shieldmaiden!

 

Yes, you DO need an editor.


I don't care who you are, or how "amazing" your writing is.

YOU.NEED.AN.EDITOR.


PERIOD.


Don't even ask, "Should I hire an editor?"


JUST.
DON'T.



Okay, now back to the tip...

Kelsey Keating is The Shieldmaiden.

Her sword is sharp.

 

She knows how to wield it precisely because not only is she a top-notch editor, she's a writer than understands the process, the creative force, and the attachment we all have for our stories. She doesn't sugar coat. That's one of the many things I love about working with her. 

 

I will never send ANY story off for publishing until I've hired
The Shieldmaiden to slice and dice it first.

 
Kelsey Keating... AWESOME.
Kelsey...

Take a look at this post at Read Write Muse
and you'll see why she's my first choice:

 

We've all been there... writer... or editor... the struggle is real.

The Hardest Part of Editing – Literary Lies

by

Then visit her at her

Shieldmaiden's Corner

PS - in case you haven't caught on yet, today's GIF-fest is in honor of Kelsey!

 

 

Now... about that 50% Off Scrivener Winner...

And The Winner Is...

Drawing Time!
The entries are ready...
Now where is that monkey helper I ordered?

 *drum roll*

No Peeking Dan Dee!
The Suspense Is Killing Me!
And the crowd goes wild! It's JENNA CARLSON FOR THE WIN!

 

CONGRATULATIONS JENNA CARLSON!!!

 
WINNER!


Awww, what about the others that entered but didn't win?

You are ALL winners to me! Here's proof!

 

How about a runner up drawing for 40% of Aeon Timeline? 

 

Here we go again!
dun dun dun...
Whoo Hoo AMBER BOX! WINNER!

Congrats Amber Box!!!

 

I'd like to thank all of you for your support and participation!
YOU DID IT!

 I will be contacting you both with your winning discount coupons today!

Thanks for playing!
I've also given each of you 5 bonus entries into the January prize pack drawing.

Subscribe & Comment for your chance to win!
Win Win Win!

 

I'm D.M. Kilgore, and I really do own a brush and mascara!
D.M. Kilgore


I'm D.M. Kilgore, and this is The Realm.

You'll find a daily dose of me here, every dag-um day. 

 

I hope you enjoy today's tips and find
the perfect software, system, business plan, and editor
to help you be the very best writer you can be!

 

 

Tune in tomorrow for Wordless Wednesday!

 

When I'm not rambling about here, you can catch my monthly series at 

Read Write Muse

The Muse's Mirror on the 11th of each month
and The Conscious Dreamer on the 27th of each month