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Saturday, January 17, 2015

You Know It's Going To Be A Bad Day When...



They're coming to take me away, hey hey.
If you're coming with me you need nerves of steel
Cause I take corners on two wheels
It's a never-ending circus ride
The faint of heart need not apply

Mi Vida Loca over and over

(My Crazy Life by Pam Tillis)
Photo Credit: D.M. Kilgore

Sometimes you can just tell when you wake up...


It's going to be one of 

those days.

 

The kind of day when I have a carefully structured plan and equally organized "to do" list that will allow me to "catch up" on the things I didn't get finished this week.

The kind of day when Mi Vida Loca has other ideas.

The kind of day when you wonder if you've woken up in a JB Lynn novel.

Yep. It's going to be an "if you're crazy and you know it shake your meds" kind of day.

 

JB Lynn begins her fantastically entertaining series "Confessions of a Neurotic Hitwoman" by starting each book with "You know it's going to be a bad day when..."


http://www.jblynn.com/hitwoman-series.html
Charming, hilarious, and highly entertaining!
Photo Credit: JB Lynn


January 17, 2015
Saturday Shenanigans

The morning's mandatory yawn-fest.
*Yawn* Where's the caffeine?
D.M. Kilgore -Writer Cam-
My morning began like most mornings do. I woke up to a chorus of "WOOF" "YIP" "Squeal" which means "we really have to pee".
Hey lady, we have to pee!
Pardon us, but we have to pee. Now.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore







Normally what happens next goes a little something like this... 


Let out the dogs, start brewing a cup of chai tea, uncover the birdie, check on the baby, wake up the eleven year old, and then change and feed the grand-baby (on night's when we've had a sleepover).

Only... this morning...


The dogs going out turned into a fiasco. As I was pouring nursery water into my cup (by mistake) I heard a commotion out on the lawn.

Daisy-- The Informer
Mom! Mom! Mom!
Daisy (The Informer) loves to tattle.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
Daisy, the three-legged bearish dog was barking her head off to alert me that Timmy is in the well-- 

In other words...


Sookie... who forgets how to breathe and can't walk on linoleum.
Duh.... I doggie not doofus.
Oh, Sookie!
photo Credit: D.M. Kilgore
Sookie the doofus dog had fallen into the little creek while trying to taste the frozen water...




Sweetheart of a dog but ack the hair!
It's not my fault.
I'm part Jack Russell you know?
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
And Sadie the sheds at will dog had taken off next door to bark hysterically at the neighbor's housekeeper.


 I stuck my nursery water in the microwave and hurried to the door to call the dogs back inside.


Before I could make it to the front door...

Want to play? Loki is undeafeted!
Crazy? I'm a mad genius!
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
Loki, the loco birdie, began going into some kind of flapping-fit and yelling, "UH OH UH OH UH OH UH OH UH OH!" causing me to rush to his aid. He'd gotten his foot stuck in a cat toy. 


Helping him meant possible loss of my fingers (rather important to a writer) but alas, I was his only hope.


And they probably could too...
photo credit: quickmeme.com


Naturally, the always happy baby decides now is the time to have a tantrum because his bottle isn't ready yet.

I get Loki back in his aviary, count my fingers, and rush back to the kitchen to wash my hands and fix lil' monkey's breakfast. 

Wait, that wasn't creamer was it?
Formula is NOT Chai tea.
photo credit: fotocom
Tossing a bag of chai tea into the freshly sterilized baby bottle, I pour three scoops of formula into my steaming mug of nursery water. Well, lovely. 

Apparently, we're both having Similac for breakfast.

I dump the similac-tea, and the chai-formula and start again. I still haven't wrangled the dogs. The baby is still dissatisfied with my lack of promptness in satisfying his hunger.

Even my angry eyes are adorable!
Cute lil' monkey!
(photo credit: D.M. Kilgore)
I manage, somehow to fix a proper bottle, and thankfully lil' monkey is going through an independent "I'll do it myself" phase. He grabs the bottle and starts sucking it down as he shoots me his best "about time" angry-eyes.

I take advantage of this pause in the insanity and go out to gather the dogs. Sookie, who is wet and muddy, shoots in the door leaving a trail of nature behind her. Now, I'll have to vacuum before noon. 

Sadie, who is very proud of her attempts to eat the evil cleaning fairy struts inside expecting praise and then becoming quite indignant when I call her, "bad dog".

Ten minutes in time out for them both.

Time out!
Sadie: "This is all your fault, Sookie."
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore


The little brown one eats cat litter. Just so you know.
I told you so.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
Daisy, the informer, her job of alert the presses accomplished, jumps into her chair, gives the baby a once over, sighs heavily, and looks at me as if to say, "Thank you for adopting me into this lovely home". She's well versed in sarcastic looks.


I didn't order a cold water wake up call!
Thanks a lot, Mom.
photo credit: D.M. Kilgore
The baby is happy now that his tummy is full, so I run to wake the eleven year old. I open the door, trip over his bag of games, and spill the cup of water I'm holding all over his bed. Rude awakening, much? He's still not speaking to me.

I tell Daisy, "If this is any indication of how the day's going to go, we should go back to bed now" and she barks at me in her "you forgot to get my water bowl from the bedroom" voice.

*Sigh*
*sigh*
photo credit: fotolia.com
I go to the bedroom, trip over the bowl, and splash water all over the carpet, wall, and the pile of clean laundry that I should have put away.



Saturday Shenanigans got nothing on this...
Shenanigans!
D.M. Kilgore -Writer Cam-

If I survive the rest of the day, I'm going to email JB Lynn and see how Maggie would have handled my morning. If only I had a talking lizard to give me advice...



If you haven't read 
series yet... WHAT are you waiting for?
I adore this series and highly recommend it.
Fantastically Fun Reads.

http://www.amazon.com/JB-Lynn/e/B0094GSJ2M
I just finished book 8.
LOVE THIS SERIES!
FIVE STARS!
(photo credit: JB Lynn)


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The Realm of D.M. Kilgore

 

I'm D.M. Kilgore, and I really do own a brush and mascara!
D.M. Kilgore

I'm D.M. Kilgore, and this is The Realm.

You'll find a daily dose of me here, every dag-um day. 

  Except for yesterday when I was too busy writing a criminology essay with a "right now" deadline!

 I hope you'll check out JB Lynn's series and that you got a kick out of my Saturday Shenanigans. At least my mornings are filled with unexpected excitement right?

 

  Tune in tomorrow for another daily dose!

 

When I'm not rambling about here, you can catch my monthly series at 

Read Write Muse

The Muse's Mirror on the 11th of each month
and The Conscious Dreamer on the 27th of each month

 

1 comment :

DM Kilgore said...

In honor of Maggie! =D Three years ago she began her neurotic journey... and 8 books later... it just keeps getting better! Thank you Jb Lynn for such fun books- you've brought me much joy! Thanks Kelsey Rae Keating for introducing me to JB's books. I LOVE them so much!

#JBLynn #ConfessionsOfASlightlyNeuroticHitwoman #Anniversary #AreYouThereGod_ItsMeDeeDee #RedheadsRock #MyScrabbleTileTotal_6 #YouKnowItsGoingToBeABadDayWhen #TeamDoomsday #DangZamboni

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Greetings Realm-Rider! Thank you for hopping aboard the crazy train. I applaud your curiosity and courage. You have reached your destination: The Realm of D.M. Kilgore. There's lots to see and even more to do. Don't forget to grab a crash helmet! Oh, and before you go, let me know about your visit! Drop me a comment, question, or just let me know where your journey began. Don't just lurk in the shadows! Leave me a comment! You're automatically entered to win a prize when you do.